You're Better Off - Steps to Healing from Heartbreak

You’re better off…

We’ve all heard it before, in fact, we’ve all said it either to ourselves or to someone we know - you’re better off without them, it's their loss. It’s a phrase we use to comfort someone who is no longer part of a relationship they were once invested in. Often times it is the last thing you want to hear, even when you know it’s true. It can become a mantra you repeat in an attempt to comfort yourself. It is often something you regurgitate to others even when you don't believe it.

With any relationship that ends, whether it’s a family member, friend or lover, the healing process that follows can be overwhelming. Retelling the story of how it all ended becomes difficult to describe without choking back tears. When you hear a song that reminds you of the person, the floodgates open and you're reliving the memories, both good and bad. Visiting or passing by certain places can trigger your sadness and once again you are overwhelmed with disappointment or regret. This is a trying cycle only people that are living their life can relate to; a deeply human experience.

Regardless of the circumstances, deep down we know that we are better off but only in time do we actually realize it. Time and being honest with yourself are the two values in this equation that bring you to this answer.

How do you get to a place where you no longer have strong negative emotions arise, and instead wish the person well, and be able to truly move on with your own life? The process requires commitment, a commitment to be painfully honest with yourself and be willing to change. Think of it as a lifestyle change.

The breakup process begins something like this:

1. You’re devastated and sad and can’t believe this is happening

2. You’ve processed what is happening and now you’re pissed off

3. You begin missing the person and feel some regret

4. You feel like it’s time to start moving on

5. Repeat steps 1 - 4

For some, the process will repeat itself indefinitely, albeit at varying levels of intensity, but it will continue until the work to heal from it has been put in - the process requires commitment. The intensity of each step lessens over time until you can finally get through a day without thinking about the person. But without putting in the work, you have not healed.

Commit to the following exercise if you are ready to begin a healing journey to move on.

Start by closing your eyes and visualizing the person that broke your heart. Take deep breaths through this visualization and maintain a steady full breath in and out, visualizing the pain you feel leaving your body with each exhale. This will help you start to let go of the pain.

Visualize the person but visualize them in a light where you recognize that they are suffering through the same complicated human experience as you. If you begin to visualize that they are happy without you and not thinking about you, breath such a visual out through your breath. Reset, and go back to visualizing them as a human being trying to find their way in the world just like you.

Collectively we experience many conflicts that arise in our minds and exist in our daily life. We all struggle with difficult emotions that we don't understand such as self-doubt. We all have insecurities that we can either identify or only sense, and the majority of us feel that we lack a meaningful purpose in life. Recognize that this person, like you, is clumsily trying to find their way in the world on the search for contentment and purpose.

Now visualize yourself on your journey and recognize the hurt you have inflicted on yourself and others, not because you are a malicious person but because you too are in search of contentment and a sense of purpose. You are not perfect and there are aspects of yourself that need work. Visualize space in your current life for yourself, this space is your chance to work on those things that need to change. Ask yourself what do you need to change?

Finally, visualize the sun shining down on you and on the other person, engulfing you both in the warmth of the sun. Wish yourself and the other person that you both find what you are looking for to feel fulfilled. Put out into the world what you want back.

There is not one single human being on this planet that can bring you the happiness you seek, only you can fulfill this. Every person in your life that is capable of bringing you joy and put a smile on your face is also capable of bringing you to the point of misery and anger. You are also capable of bringing joy, misery, and anger to others.

It will take many attempts before you can sit with this visualization and find the answers you need and feel at peace, but with commitment, you will get there. Create the space for change within yourself, by starting within your mind.

#lifelessons #breakups