Giving Structure to Over Thinking

We’re always being reminded to be present, to live in the moment and not to focus on the past because that is something that can’t be changed. We also worry; we worry about the future and are often reminded not to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet. Yet, we also want to think about our future and how we want to feel, where we want to be financially, life events that we want to experience, and what we think would make us happier.

Our evolutionary process as individuals depends on knowing who we are in order to grow into the person we want to be, and to help us achieve the kind of life we desire. We are all evolving and growing, albeit at different rates, and not just in the physical sense but in the mental and emotional sense as well. Let’s face it, being a human being is complex!

While I agree it is important to live in the present moment and that living in our past or worrying about our future is a real distraction from experiencing life in the current moment, we do need to allow time to reflect on the past in order to learn from it, to consider the future, to be certain; a balance must be struck.

So, how does one find a healthy balance of reflection for improvement and planning?

Try a structured and constructive approach. Start by giving yourself permission to reflect on the past but with the intention of looking for things you want to transform into something better. Secondly, timebox the exercise so that you don’t waste an entire morning, day or more, thinking about what you don’t have or might have had.

1. Start by taking stock of the good things.

List out all the things you have right now; think, family, friends, living conditions, physical condition, and pleasures. For example:

• I have a few friends and family members that I can confide in, share laughs with, and spend time with.

• I have a partner that makes a good companion.

• I have food in my fridge and a roof over my head.

• I have my health and I can move around without pain and suffering.

2. Of the things you have, what do you want more of?

As your stock list grows so will your perspective. When we start by reflecting on the things we have, this helps us gain clarity on the things we want more of. Begin to list the things that you want more of. For example:

• I want more relationships that are easy and don’t come with drama.

• I want more respect and intimacy from my partner.

• I want to be in better physical shape.

• I want more disposable income.

• I want to laugh and enjoy life more.

Linguistics is important and we need to be specific about the things we want more of and also to be sure to exclude things we want less of. If, for example, you are in debt, do not focus your want list on debt; it needs to be focused on having an abundance of money. The stock-taking list helps us identify all the things we do have and the second list is a way to get more detailed about the things that enhance what we currently have.

3. Identify things that are in your control.

Too often we rely on people and things external to us to improve our state of mind and our life. The hard reality is that there is nothing external that can bring lasting joy. There are a lot of impermanent things that distract us enough to think we’re feeling more satisfied, but without doing the work internally we find ourselves feeling discontented and falling back into our old habits of overthinking the past, worrying about the future and searching for something external to make us feel content.

Be honest with yourself because this is not an excuse-making list; this is a chance to be real with yourself and call out the things you can do to get more of what you want. This is a truth-telling exercise where long and difficult roads will be identified. For example:

• I will cut my social media time to 30 mins per day so that I will have more time to exercise, or talk to people I actually care about, or take care of myself.

• I am going to commit two hours of my day off learning something new so that I can find a better job that takes me more seriously and pays me more money.

• I am going to spend less money on non-critical items such as coffees, fast food, clothes, and apps.

• I will wake up a little earlier than normal so I can go for a walk or do sit-ups.

• I am going to cook two healthy home-cooked meals a week for myself and my partner.

• I am going to spend more time with those that make me feel good about myself.

• I am going to plan a special activity with my partner once a week.

• I am going to spend one night a week taking care of myself by journaling, taking a long bath, reading or making a gratitude list.

• I am going to allow myself 3 hours per week of tv time, so that I can do more for myself and for those that bring me joy.

Find opportunities to make small adjustments in your daily life. Don’t go too far and try to drastically change things, start small and commit.

4. Take action.

You’re done thinking, you have a list of things you can start or stop doing right now. It’s time to get on with your day.

The trick to this process is your ability to turn your non-productive overthinking of the past and worrying about the future into something productive. You can transform overthinking into something meaningful and productive. Allocate time to think about your past in a meaningful way, consider your future in a productive way, and create a better future for yourself. In time, identifying ways to make small adjustments in your life will become second nature and will alleviate a sense of regret, thoughts of what if, and time wasted.